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self love
Self-love is the practice of accepting and appreciating oneself, embracing both strengths and weaknesses and treating oneself with kindness and compassion
what is self-love?
Self-love means fully appreciating and accepting yourself
and ensuring your happiness and well-being are essential in your life.
Self-love enables us to take the time to look after our own needs, whether
physical, psychological or spiritual. It allows us to set boundaries and
consider the impact of decisions on our well-being rather than jumping to
please others. Self-love is very different from vanity or narcissistic traits.
Self-love enables us to flourish, develop and grow instead of becoming
self-indulgent and toxic.
WHY DO WE PUT OTHERS BEFORE OURSELVES?
People sometimes find it hard to set boundaries or say
no. Trying to please everyone to avoid feeling disliked, rejected or
disapproved of. This way of 'people pleasing' can stem from many different past
negative experiences or childhood traumas. Being unable to say no or set
boundaries come from the urge to avoid conflict or confrontation and negative
opinions. So to avoid such situations, some may put their own well-being on the
line by simply saying yes or accepting toxic situations. The inability to set
boundaries can put our health at risk, doing everything and anything for others
and neglecting our own needs. This can leave us feeling burnt out, unhappy and
low. The path to self-love takes time and understanding your worth. It helps us
realise the importance of boundaries and that it is ok to say no. self-love is
part of a journey that will start as soon as you recognise the need to work on
yourself and heal.
WHY DO WE SEEK VALIDATION FROM OTHERS?
Learning to love ourselves helps us understand that we do
not need constant validation. Seeking validation starts from the younger years. We are taught to do things that enable us to be praised and approved early in our childhood. Then as we grow, with this acceptance and approval, we learn to start trusting in our own abilities and become more confident. However, confidence and self-esteem can be prevented from growing as an impact of emotional abuse, negative words, or constantly being told we are not good
enough or not even being acknowledged. These psychological experience leaves us seeking approval or validation in our later years and being always unsure or doubtful about our worth or abilities. This can lead to us hoping that someone can validate our appearance, choices and actions. Even if we feel that we have achieved something successfully, we may still seek feedback. When we begin to love ourselves and realise our own worth, this heightens our self-esteem and
confidence. It helps us realise that we are enough and that there is beauty and learning from our mistakes. We can begin to enjoy life and understand that it's ok to be true to ourselves and accept our uniqueness. Taking little steps in improving our self-esteem and self-worth will help us understand that our own validation is enough. We begin to have enough confidence to not seek approval from others and enough self-worth to know that how we feel about ourselves is
the only thing that matters. Being aware of needing to have more love for ourselves opens our minds to understand what we need to work on or change in our lives to develop for the better.
HOW CAN I LOVE MYSELF BETTER?
WE ALL NEED TO WORK ON OUR SELF-LOVE FROM TIME TO TIME, SO THE FOLLOWING
PRACTICES MAY HELP PROMOTE
SELF-AWARENESS AND MINDFULNESS.
Being able to realise when you are putting in
too many hours or giving too much of yourself. Be mindful of understanding when
you need some time to recharge and reset.
REMEMBER TO NOT BE HARD ON YOURSELF
Allow yourself to make mistakes. That's how
we learn. Don't regret or punish yourself for things you may have got wrong.
LEARN TO LET GO.
Sometimes, there is a point where things no
longer serve a positive purpose. You want to better yourself or change your
life, but if you hold on to the old negative things, there will be no room to
invite new positive things. Let go. Sometimes letting go is painful, but
holding on can bring more pain. Understand why you are letting go and why you
want this change.
GET TO KNOW YOURSELF.
Learn about yourself, what you enjoy and why.
Take time to take up new hobbies and interests.
REMEMBER THAT PERFECTION IS ONLY AN INDIVIDUALS PERCEPTION.
In other words, everyone has their own idea
of what perfect is, don't wear yourself down trying to meet other people's
preferences. Just be yourself and see perfection in your imperfections. BE YOUR
OWN PERFECT.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Say daily affirmations and be mindful of when
you start having doubts. If you can see when they are triggered, you can adjust
to get back on track again.
GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT
Look how far you've come, look at what you've
experienced, and here you are ... well done! You are truly amazing and deserve
credit, but even more so, this credit needs to come from you! Pat yourself on
the back and tell yourself that you have done brilliantly.